Snow falling and night falling fast, oh, fast
In a field I looked into going past,
And the ground almost covered smooth in snow,
But a few weeds and stubble showing last.
The woods around it have it—it is theirs.
All animals are smothered in their lairs
I am too absent-spirited to count;
The loneliness includes me unawares.
And lonely as it is, that loneliness
Will be more lonely ere it will be less—
A blanker whiteness of benighted snow
With no expression, nothing to express.
They cannot scare me with their empty spaces
Between stars—on stars where no human race is.
I have it in my so much nearer home
To scare myself with my own desert places.
I love Robert Frost poetry, my compendium of his poetry is dog-eared and flagged and crunchy and stained from too much reading. I like to pick it up and leaf through it for gems that I flagged in high school and things that I might not have realized I loved. My favorite poems of his have always been the most desolate and crushing, representative of a solitude that may be voluntary but is often intense or painful.
Frost loved New England and the peace he found in the countryside... But still he understood that in that peace and silence was a nothingness so profound that it could creep inside you and breathe into you. I felt this way about the wintertime before it started to clear up, and I'm glad to see it go.
I posted this on my tumblr account but I decided it needed to go here. I don't post here nearly enough anymore.
For the uninitiated, The Rose Deli Project is a comic I'll be launching in hopefully a month or so, set in the year 2060 at a government-run senior work facility. It's about the elderly and how lame all the boring old stuff they like is. You know, boring old stuff like ironic t-shirts, old bands with dumb names like "Muse" and "Lady Gaga," and "social networking." It's all about old nerds, people who are our age now, and how they cope with life as senior citizens.
( More after the cutCollapse )
I've been super busy because I restarted The Green Avenger and I'm working hard on a new comic I'm doing called "The Rose Deli Project." Log line for THAT is "Fifty years in the future, elderly nerds work at a government-run senior work center and forcibly carve out a place in a world where they are no longer even ironically cool." It's pretty exciting and silly, and I'm enjoying writing it in a way that I haven't enjoyed writing Green Avenger lately. Though that might change as I get closer to my conclusion. I hope to have Green Avenger finished soonish, too. I'm gonna have to trim the fat, of course. As long as it gets done, I'll live. I hate leaving things unfinished.
Weekend before last, Labor Day weekend, was sort of productive but on the other hand I was not very happy. I was pretty lonely, actually. (Kiah was out of town) The lonely feeling permeated my entire week and I ended up having a really crummy week. But then the weekend came along and I got a chance to hang out with friends. Diana from Girlbot came over on Friday and we got Ethiopian food and drew comics, then Teri came over on Saturday and WE drew comics, then Kelly came over on Sunday and we watched Metalocalypse and had sushi with Denise.
It felt really nice and today at work I felt a lot better about everything, so maybe I'm more affected by being lonely than I thought. It's weird how little I really know about myself. And kind of depressing. But it's good to be in a good mood, whatever the reason. I just have to start understanding how to deal with being lonely, because I imagine I will be for a good long while.
Well, it's late! Goodnight everybody.
Anyway this weekend was Comic-con and considering that it sounded like a blast and kopiispace won a goddamn EISNER I was naturally dying because I wasn't there. But I had a good weekend because I had lots to do. Friday I spent time with friends and made a long video stream that you can watch if you go here and click the links on the page. Yesterday I went to a family party and met some cool people and had a good time despite being ditched by my relatives while I was still not sober enough to drive. And today I spent the whole day with my Kel, who I miss. We chilled at the mall and shopped for stuff and watched DVDs of various kinds (...for reasons) and it was nice.
During dinner on Friday I glanced at my watch to find it had stopped. I took it off almost immediately, shocked out of proportion to the fact that it was a watch I'd had for over a year. But it was a Christmas present from Dad, the last one he gave me, and the fact that its battery had run out didn't surprise me so much as it saddened me. It was a marker of how much time had passed since he was with us.
So one of my goals for our mall trip was to get the battery replaced. I went to Macy's and handed my watch off with surprisingly little fanfare to the woman behind the watch repair counter. She promised to fix the bent link that had been there practically since I got it. When I returned after the wait and paid for the battery replacement, I asked curiously if she could take out a link. It had fit loosely and I could never manage to get a link off to fix it. She took it in the back and then returned to give it back to me to try on. She'd taken out two links, but when I did, it fit perfectly. I've been in a good mood because of that all day long.
Now that I've returned from dropping Kelly off and had a shower, I've noticed that the watch fits so well that when I rest my chin on my hand, I can feel my heartbeat reverberating through it. There's something comforting and pleasant about it. It's telling me I'm still around.
Lately my time has been taken up with a lot of comics and socializing and more comics. I can't say I'm sad, I missed comics quite a lot. Still, I wish I had an infinite amount of time and money so I could start to make things happen. But just wanting to make things happen is different enough for me that it's almost enough. Moving starts in three weeks and I can't wait. I'm chomping enough at the bit that we're probably going to start moving stuff out of the house in one way or another this week.
Now, as promised, selected pictures of my last six months of life, starting with Toronto in March and ending with CONvergence!
( Picspam AHOYCollapse )
Here be my flickr
KEEP ME IN YOUR MEMORIES COMPATRIOTS~~~~
On Saturday me and Denise went to Rock The Garden and it was so spectacular. I am now in love with Yeasayer - they were amazing live. Solid Gold was pretty good, I'd see them again and may buy their album. Calexico is not my speed but they put on a good show. The Decemberists... Well, I didn't expect to be blown away because of the fact that I don't much like Hazards of Love, but they played the whole damn ALBUM through and that was irritating. Oh well, they ended the night with old stuff and it was lots of fun. I'm so glad I went. Here's a clip of Yeasayer doing my favorite of their songs acoustically with a room full of people!
Other developments in my life include this~!
Yeap updating again shortly! Get in on the ground floor peeps!! I updated the site to be a little more bare-bones and give no more popups. I might move servers eventually but for now I just want to get back into the flow of things. Also I put my twitter on there that twitter fans may follow me if they like.
Next time I swear pictures from Toronto and Rock the Garden. And no, no lj cut for you.
- Current Music:Break Your Heart - Barenaked Ladies
( Organizing my thoughts on the one year anniversary of my father's deathCollapse )
It's been a hard year... It's been a long year. But somewhere in that year, I stood back up and faced forward. I don't think I need to worry overmuch about whether or not my dad would be proud of me... I don't think that anything I do could make him less proud of me than he already was. I've grown up a lot since he left me, partly because I had to. And I don't know who I'd be if he hadn't gotten sick. Before he was, I leaned a lot on him to tell me what to do with my life.
Even though at times I still feel lost, like I don't know what I'm doing with my life, I understand that horrible things can happen to me, and I can deal with it and come out the other end. Perhaps leaving me was the last gift he could give me... I had to be pushed down in order to make it back up stronger.